Boundaries

Hey you! This is a carrd discussing boundaries! If you are being referred to this, chances are you breached some ones boundaries OR you're just being educated!

What are Boundaries

Boundaries are invisible lines that provide space between you and another person! Whether that be social boundaries, physicals boundaries, verbal boundaries, and so much more! They are healthy guidelines telling you what is okay and what is not okay.Some examples:
- Julia asked me not to touch her after her panic attacks
- "Hey Ethan, please don't say that word around me. It brings back bad memories"
- These people have told me they are uncomfortable talking to me, and did so politely.

Physical Boundaries

Physical Boundaries are essentially when you can and cannot touch someone. Say if Sam asked you not to touch him for a bit. That's a physical boundary! He's asked you that, until he says it's okay, to refrain from physically touching him. These are very important to respect, especially if there are specific circumstances when that person doesn't like physical contact.

Social Boundaries

Social Boundaries are a little more complex. These could be anything from "DNI" for specific views, or being told (politely) that if they interact with you, it makes them uncomfortable. Some common DNI could consist of anything from Anti-LGBTQ, to being against certain fandoms, or for certain things that are not okay (Racism), and so forth.Being verbally told "Hey, you're a really nice person from what I've seen, but something doesn't sit right with me when I talk to you. So for my own safety, I am going to avoid interacting with you from now" is not always an aimed attack. Some times, people don't click, and that's okay. Not everyone is going to get along perfectly, and you can't expect everyone to get along with you the same.

Verbal Boundaries

Social and Verbal Boundaries can blur together a lot, and sometimes it can be hard to tell the difference.Verbal boundaries revolve more around some ones words or saying. Social is specifically around interaction.Veral boundaries is essentially someone telling you that certain words or phrases make them uncomfortable (a personal one is "burden", for us). These are things that either are not commonly said, or can be accidentally said. They are more often than not triggers for someone.Lets take as an example, Sarah has asked you to refrain from saying "It's just a phase", because their parents have often told them the same thing. This is a traumatic experience in their life that has caused specific phrases (like the one mentioned) to bring back not-so-happy childhood memories that they would much rather forget. This is a verbal boundary.

Why are Boundaries Important?

Boundaries offer a healthy relationship where both sides understand what is okay, and what is not okay. These allow the relationship to foster without constantly violating each others space. They allow you to have your own space, have your own views, and be you happily without needing to please others. Your boundaries are very important, even in just friendships. Every relationship should have boundaries. Whether that be a Familia relationship, mother and child, partner and partner, friends and friends, they all need boundaries to remain healthy. Boundaries offer a form of self care too. Healthy boundaries means you can be yourself without having to worry about the other person.

How Do We Set Boundaries?

Setting boundaries are different for everyone. Every experience will be unique to that person, and every boundary will never quite be the same.1. Try to set aside some time to talk with whoever it is about boundaries
It's very important to make sure that you have time set aside (which you both have agreed upon) to discuss each others boundaries. This shows the person that you do genuinely care about them, and want to maintain the relationship in a healthy way.
2. Don't be harsh when setting your boundaries
Don't be rude or outright mean. Be calm, but assertive. Remember: you are both here to talk to each other about boundaries, you're not here to start a fight about who did what.3. Try to use language that you both understand
Do not go all out using big vocabulary, it's almost certainly not going to get your point across to the other party. Instead, try to use vocabulary that you both understand, and be patient. You both are learning about each other here.4. Allow them to ask questions frequently
If this step is missed, it's almost certainly not going to be understood. Breezing through everything and not giving them an option to see or experiment with what you mean is going to make it harder to avoid doing those things and respect your boundaries.5. Don't rush it
Take your time. Boundaries are not a light topic that can just be casually talked about. They are important, and need time to digest.6. Write them down
It might be easier if you write them down as you go along. Boundaries are flexible, and they change with the person as they go through life. Write your boundaries down so that not only you, but the other person remembers them too.7. Frequently revisit
As said above, boundaries are not concrete. They will adjust with the person. Make sure you frequently revisit to assure yourself that you aren't stepping over some ones boundaries.8. Don't expect someone to get it right away
Learning the do's and don'ts are hard. That means you wont always remember everyone's boundaries, and neither will they. Give each other time, and if it helps try to frequently remind each other.9. Conversation is key
If you feel like someone has stepped over a boundary you have previously set, you need to talk to them about it. Just letting it go will never help either of you in the long run, and it will all come up again. You will never forget when someone has breached your boundaries, and after a certain limit, it will get you upset.

But I Don't Know My Boundaries

Try to explore around with yourself. Did you notice a time where someone you were close to did something that you weren't comfortable with? Try to set a boundary to get around that. There are healthy ways to figure out your boundaries, just give yourself time to figure them out. Remember: you won't know it all right away. Don't push yourself, and let it come to you.

List of Boundaries?

As previously mentioned, boundaries are different for everyone. There is no way for one person. Here are some common ones for singlets (DID/OSDD). DID/OSDD/Plural Boundaries will be discussed after Singlet Boundaries!

Singlet Boundaries

Plural Boundaries

Credit

(Forewarning: talks about kind of gross things... like poop) https://www.livewellwithsharonmartin.com/what-are-boundaries/https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/romantically-attached/201608/4-ways-set-and-keep-your-personal-boundaries